


My Turn to Cry

by marchtwentyfour



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchtwentyfour/pseuds/marchtwentyfour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is based on EXO's My Turn to Cry. Also, blame YB for making me write this.</p></blockquote>





	My Turn to Cry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [myturntocry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myturntocry/gifts).



When Kyungsoo woke up crying and panting, the only thing that greeted his vision is the moonlight from his open window. Then, the first thought that registers in his mind is that there is no warm body next to him while the second thought is that he had a nightmare.  
  
Turning to his side, Kyungsoo reached over the nightstand for his phone. It was still 2:34AM, too early for him to be awake because he doesn’t have morning class today. However, even though he closed his eyes and tried to drift back to sleep, he didn’t succeed. Images of his nightmare kept flashing in his eyes that he ended up crying again.  
  
 _It’s just dreams, Soo._ Kyungsoo had to remind himself over and over again until his tears dried in his cheeks. It was the first time in a while that he had let his feelings take over so he couldn’t stop whatever it is that is ripping through his chest right now. All he knew is that the cold space next to him is too empty.  
  
Knowing that he would end up awake for the next two to three hours, Kyungsoo grabbed a sweater and threw it on before getting out of bed. He slowly padded towards his kitchen to make himself a cup of warm milk to soothe him back to sleep. The cup is warm on his freezing hands and Kyungsoo welcomes it because it’s better than the emptiness his bed offers him.  
  
The trip back to his room took longer because just as he was about to get inside, he caught sight of his trash can that is filled with photographs. He had thrown this yesterday night in hopes to forget the memories printed on them but he knew it was futile so he crouched over and gathered them in his small hands.  
  
 _How come I will never get to wipe your tears again?_  
  
As soon as he got inside, he went to the small couch they kept in  ~~their~~ his room. Like everything in the whole room, the couch was cold but it felt like it was burning his freezing body. He curled to himself, tucking his legs so that his whole frame would fit the small furniture. Kyungsoo was holding his cup of milk in one hand while he set the photographs on his lap, making sure to balance himself so that nothing would fall over.  
  
 _How are you right now? I hope that you aren’t anything like me._ Kyungsoo could only repeat in his head because no one is there to listen to him anymore. Maybe he talked too much or maybe he didn’t talk enough, he thinks. Nothing matters anymore because there is only one thing that matters to Kyungsoo.  
  
“Jongin-ah, please don’t cry without me beside you.” Kyungsoo whispers to the darkness of the night knowing that no matter how many times he says this out loud, no one will be there to hear it.  
  
With one hand, Kyungsoo traced the face he had grown accustomed to wake up to in the mornings (or at nights, when he gets his nightmares). The photograph has nothing on the perfection of Kim Jongin’s face because he couldn’t trace the scars that the boy had earned from the years of dancing.  
  
Kyungsoo could still feel the softness of Jongin’s skin on his fingertips but as seconds tick by, he’s afraid that it will be replaced by the glossiness of the photo in front of him. He still has the contours of Jongin’s face memorized but he’s afraid that the next time he closes his eyes, he wouldn’t anymore. He still has Jongin’s voice ringing in his ears as if the boy is still right beside him, but he’s afraid that the voices from outside will overtake that.  
  
Whenever Jongin had a hard time at dance practice, Kyungsoo would always cheer him up. Kyungsoo would offer his narrow shoulders to the boy shyly and makes sure to wrap his arms around the other’s shoulders. He would whisper soft promises that  _things will get better_ and that _you will always have me right beside you._ Kyungsoo can’t be sure about the former but he knew that the latter will always be true because no matter what, Kyungsoo will always be right beside Jongin.  
  
Kyungsoo turned over the photograph on his lap when he felt fresh tears rolling down his cheeks again. “You’re not allowed to let anyone see you cry other than me, Jongin-ah.” He whispered softly, “Only me.”  
  
Jongin has always been the one who would wear his heart on his sleeves between the two of them. Jongin has always been the one who would laugh when he’s happy and cry when he’s sad while Kyungsoo always puts on a brave face. It doesn’t matter if it’s because he got yelled at by the instructor or because he didn’t perfect the step, Jongin would always lean over Kyungsoo’s shoulders to cry.  
  
Jongin’s need for someone to cry on has always been the reason why Kyungsoo never cries. He knows that Jongin needs someone strong to be there for him and he was determined to be that one. Kyungsoo would always hug the other boy until he could finally see the start of a small smile and gentle eyes. It doesn’t matter how many times Jongin would cry, Kyungsoo would always tell himself, because he would always be there to hold him through the tears.  
  
But Kyungsoo can’t.  
  
Kyungsoo can’t hold Jongin through his tears.  
  
Kyungsoo can’t lend Jongin his shoulders to cry on.  
  
Kyungsoo can’t turn Jongin’s tears into smiles.  
  
Kyungsoo can’t be there for Jongin, wherever he is.  
  
Just like in the nightmare that Kyungsoo had, he can’t even reach over the other boy and hug him because he can’t anymore. All he could do is wake up from the dream with tears in his eyes because he couldn’t any of those now and in the future.  
  
Placing the mug on the table beside him, Kyungsoo let the tears flow freely in his face. Because Jongin is gone, there was no one here that Kyungsoo had to be strong for. There was no here that Kyungsoo had to hold and hug and lend his shoulders for. There is only Do Kyungsoo and the memories he has of the two of them.  
  
“I hope you’re happy, wherever you are now, Jongin-ah,” he whispered in between sobs.  _I hope there is no more reason to cry there because I won’t be there for you. I hope that there are no more hardships to go through because I won’t be there to make you smile._  
  
As Kyungsoo fell asleep on the couch, there was only one thought in his mind.  
  
 _Jongin-ah, it’s my turn to cry now._

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on EXO's My Turn to Cry. Also, blame YB for making me write this.


End file.
